Once an infertile...

Once an infertile, always an infertile?!?  This question has pretty much been on my mind since the first day we sat in the waiting room at our RE's office back in September of 2008...

I often find myself wondering if we'll have to go back to that same waiting room each and every time we decide to grow our family. 

What would I say when I called to make our appointment? Would the nurses remember us? Would we be so lucky to get pregnant again on our first cycle? Would my meds be the same? What if I wait too long and my body doesn't respond as well because I'm many years older the next time around? What if it doesn't work?

That last question haunts me. 

And then I look at Jackson.  That child of mine melts my heart.  He makes me feel so complete and more blessed then I ever knew possible.  Sometimes I wonder if this fulfillment is because he is supposed to be my only one - or if it's to give me the courage to do it all over again?!?

Then there was a day, not so long ago, that my mind-racing questions shifted. And I starting thinking maybe, just maybe, we could do this on our own?!?  You know, the good ole' fashion way of having unplanned, un-prescribed intercourse with my husband that would result in baby #2.  That thought was a happy, butterfly in my tummy, nerve racking thought.  The feeling you are supposed to have when you think about your family's future. 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, just as I'm not sure what the future holds for my little family. What I do know is that I randomly woke up one morning, and decided to take out my trusty BBT thermometer.  To my surprise, this once infertile momma had a text book cycle.  Ovulation dip and rise and all.  I have no idea if this was a one time deal, or if this is the new - possibly fertile me. 

My cycles are no where near regular and range from 30 - 50 days, but it's enough to give me hope.  Just the mere fact that I'm having a cycle at all is miraculous and leaves me continuously unprepared each and every month when "my time" comes around.

So my friends, I guess time will only tell.  I'm not making any future appointments with our RE or running out buying Big Brother shirts, but I am enjoying the butterflies and the hope that I have for the time being.

Once an infertile...

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Dear Amelia,

To my dearest niece, Amelia:

Tomorrow we will be they day we celebrate the birth of YOU! A day that we've all been looking forward to for the past nine months. And because your momma needed some extra advice on how to make you, I've been especially been anxious to meet you:) I'm not sure what it is about you and your cousin, but you must be super anxious to meet us too.  We weren't expecting you for a few more week, so I feel a little unprepared for your arrival!

Your momma on the other hand, is more than ready.  You haven't exactly made her life easy these last nine months, which I'm sure you'll hear all about for the rest of your life:)  Megan, your momma, is my little sister.  You will soon find out just how lucky you are that she's yours.  She is one of the most caring, creative, and loving people I know.  Oh sure, we've had our moments, and I'll tell you all about them when you're older.  But, she is going to be the best momma!

Megan has been known to take some extreme measures to protect the ones she loves. So be gentle on her.  She has no earthly idea how much you are going to change her life, but it is going to be amazing.  I only know this because I'm already a momma, and well because I just know stuff;)

You see the moment that your teeny tiny little body is held above the operation curtain and you let out your first little cry - your parents are going to be over the moon in love with you.  They only think they know what love is, but they have no idea the emotions they will feel when they meet you.  You'll see it in their eyes, and you'll know.  You'll know that you have entered a world that is full of love just for you!

Your daddy is going to hold you tight and protect you from everything in his power.  I made sure he had some practice with your cousin, Jackson:)  Don't be afraid sweet girl, your daddy has changed the poopiest of poppy diapers, so he's no rookie.  Your daddy is like a brother to me, and I've watch him grow up to be such a wonderful man.  You will want to marry a boy just like him some day.  He may not let you out of the house until your 18, but when he does, you'll know just what to look for! 

I cannot believe the day has come for you to live on the outside of your momma's tummy.  When I got the call this morning I sat at my desk and cried tears of joy, and I haven't been able to stop them all day.  As soon as I can make my way to St. Louis I'm going to spoil you with kisses and cuddles.  I may not be there for your birth, but I'll be there soon after to take extra special care of you and your momma.

I hope that you'll always know who I am and the unconditional love I have for you!

“Only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister, 
and share love like a friend.”

~ Spanish Proverb

My beautiful sister, check out her maternity pics here!

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PreTerm Labor

Wednesday, May 20, 2009.
Flashback to one year ago today, when I almost met my baby way too soon.

I should have known that Jackson was going to be a very busy baby when he tried to come into the world 7 weeks early. I also should have paid closer attention to my body and realized the signs of preterm labor.

I was swelling pretty bad even on my restricted, no sodium diet. My doctor warned me to slow down and take it easy, but I did not listen. I pressured myself to finish the nursery in time to host Mother's Day brunch. I put on a craw fish boil for our entire neighborhood. I worked full-time. I ironed every. piece. of. clothing. in my Mr.'s closet. If you know me, all types of red lights would have been flashing. I'm all about the dry cleaner and never iron!

I hadn't felt right all week. I was going to the doctor on Thursday and planned to let him know. I was 33 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I went to work. I got my hair done. I went home and decided that Mr. and I should walk. Walking made me sleep better, helped with the swelling - and that night, made my cramps and backache better.

During my pregnancy we walked two laps around the block, one mile, each night. But, I convinced Mr. that we needed to walk more. We walked four laps when Mr. made me quit. My stomach and back was cramping so bad. I went inside and took a bath to help, I thought I was having back spasms or something. The thought that I was in labor never crossed my mind.

I was up all night. Moaning, tossing, turning, using the bathroom too many times to count. Again, the signs were all there. I just kept telling myself it was nothing. But, I felt an incredible amount of pressure. Thank goodness I had a doctor's appointment the next day. I told the nurse about the pressure I was feeling and how terrible my night was. She asked my doctor to check me just to make sure nothing was going on.

I'll never forget the look on my doctor's face. I was 3cm dialed and 50% effaced, what?!?. He sat me up and started talking to me about premature babies, the NICU, bed rest and steroid shots that would help Jackson's lung develop.

I was sent home on strict bed rest and had an appointment the next morning. By that morning, I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. I spent the weekend in the hospital so they could find monitor me and the baby. I got the shots to help Jackson's lungs and would spend the next two weeks on Procardia every four hours. The contractions never stopped, but they we're strong enough to make me progress.

The weeks ahead of us were intense, trying to cook my baby boy as long as my body would let me. At 35 weeks my placenta was aging and ready to evict Jackson from my uterus. I stopped taking the contraction medication and went back to work. That week was the longest week. To be continued...

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Jackson Christopher!

Jackson Christopher Wilson was born at 7:45 pm on Tuesday, June 9, 2009. He is absolutely perfect in every way and I cannot believe how much I love this little guy. We are all in complete shock at how big he is for being 4 weeks early - 7 lbs. 13 oz. and 20" long. His feet were the biggest in the nursery and his pediatrician told me that I must have had my dates wrong because there's nothing premature about Jackson:)

The last time I posted I was waiting to go back to the doctor at 1 pm to get checked again. I was at 7 cm and admitted to the hospital around 2:30 and at 3:30 my doctor came to break my water and order the Pitocine. By 5 pm the contraction were very intense, I thought about not getting an epidural... but after an hour of these contractions I was ready for it! The epidural was completely painless for me, the hardest part was to hold still during my contractions.

About 20 minutes after I had my epidural I started to feel pressure. My wonderful nurse, Ellen, came in to check me and I was at 9 cm. She had me do some practice pushes and we were ready to go. My doctor came in at 7:20 and Jackson was born at 7:45.

The delivery went exactly how I imagined it, as far as being relaxed and with Mr. Wilson and my mom. My doctor was not on call, but insisted on coming in to deliver me. About the only thing I wasn't prepared for was how I would be physically after the delivery. My bottom was very sore and I had a hard time controlling my bladder the first day. I feel better and better every day, but getting in and out of bed the first few days was not fun. I am breast feeding and we are both doing well with that, we get better with every feeding.

And, finally here are some pictures of our family of three!
Last belly pic


Getting to the hospital - 7 cm


Proud Daddy


I'm a Mommy


Little blondie


Our first family pic


Getting ready to go home


On our way home!


Hanging out




Watching the LSU baseball game with Daddy tonight

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Just for laughs

Saturday was a beautiful day here, so Mr. Wilson and I did all of our housework and I headed to my mom's to lay in the pool and Mr. Wilson headed to Baton Rouge for the LSU game. Mr. Wilson was going to be at the game for the night, so I stayed to eat dinner with my parents and little brothers (17 & 15). When it was time to eat I took off my wet swim suite and threw on one of my brother's t-shirt and shorts. About half way through dinner my youngest brother looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me... my contracts were causing my breasts to leak and I had made quite a mess of his t-shirt. Lovely dinner table manners, don't you think?!?

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6 cm this morning

I cannot believe the progress I made overnight! I almost didn't go to the doctor this morning because I just knew he was going to tell me there were no changes and we'll see what happens next week. I am now at 6 cm and my bag of water is bulging. My doctor was going to admit me once I got to 6, but now he wants to wait until my water breaks on its own or I get to 7 cm. Although it is very exciting to think that my baby boy will be in my arms so soon, I know that every hour he's cooking inside of me the better. My doctor said that he would just feel too bad if he broke my water and starting everything before Jackson was really ready and he had to go to the NICU for any amount of time. So, here I sit at my desk wondering what the afternoon holds for us!

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Still waiting...

Today I am 36 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and can't believe that I have made it this far. I went for a check up this morning and I am now 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced. My contractions still are not regular, so I am going back to the doctor this afternoon to see what kind of progress they are making. My doctor isn't going to be very aggressive in inducing my labor because everyday that Jackson says in is better. I'll update more tonight after my appointment and upload my 36 pictures!

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And the waiting begins...

I can't believe that I am back at work, 35 weeks pregnant, still at 4 cm dilated. Last week ended up flying by. The weather was beautiful Thursday through the weekend, so I laid on a pool raft at my mom's pool all day every day. My contractions continued all weekend, but as my doctor confirmed this morning I haven't dilated anymore. I am officially off of the medication to stop the contractions and bed rest. I'm back at work and will just wait for the contractions to be 5 minutes apart for 2 hours before we go back to the hospital. I had a non stress test last Thursday and again today. Jackson looks great and isn't under any stress. He grew a lot last week, last Monday I measured at 32 and on Thursday I measured 35.5. Today was only 33, but I am very swollen again which I'm sure plays a role in that.

Mr. Wilson asked me this morning if I was just so ready for this to be over. I wasn't sure how to answer that question. I really love being pregnant. I hate how uncomfortable I am at times, but I feel so blessed that I was able to get to this point I want to cherish every moment of it. I am so ready to meet our son, but I want him to be healthy and fully cooked. So, now we'll just sit and wait for that time to come.

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Week 34 Pic

Well we made it to 34 weeks! The medication has helped slow down the contractions and I am holding at 4 cm. I had an ultrasound yesterday and Jackson now weighs in at 5 pounds 4 oz and is practicing his breathing. My placenta is "aging" so my doctor is going to take me off of the medication at 35 weeks and let nature take its course. I go back on Thursday for a non-stress test to make sure everything is still looking good. Bed rest is a little boring, I really hate daytime TV!

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Cook baby cook

I feel like the past 24 hours have been a dream or something. I went in Friday at noon to be checked again and I was almost 4 cm dilated so my doctor admitted me to the hospital to monitor my contractions. During the 30 minutes of being monitored I had a contraction about every 10 minutes. My doctor ordered a steroid shot to help mature Jackson's lungs and more observation in the hospital. I immediately starting taking medicine every 4 hours to slow down the contractions and was hooked up to IV fluids. By 4 pm I hadn't dilated anymore, but am now 80-90% effaced and Jackson's head is as low as it can be.

The night was rough, getting up to pee every hour hooked up to all that equipment is not fun. Mr. Wilson knew I got up a lot at night, but he couldn't believe that I am up at least once an hour. I had some pretty rough contractions around 4 am, but the medicine was able to get those under control pretty quickly. My doctor let me go home this morning, but I'm on bed rest for the next couple of weeks. I am getting another steroid shot this afternoon and hope to make it until 36 weeks. After I get to 36 weeks my doctor will take me off of the contraction medicine and let nature take its course.

On a side note, all of my nurses said that I had the prettiest pregnant belly and that Jackson was doing beautifully. He is handling the contractions so well, please pray that this continues and he cooks a little longer!

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3 cm and 50% effaced

Yes, this came as quite a shock to me today as well. Mr. Wilson and I went for our walk last night and I started to feel a bit of pressure that continued through out the night. I mentioned this to my doc today during my routine exam so he wanted to do a pelvic exam. To both of our surprise I was 3 cm and 50% effaced. A side note - the pelvic exam didn't hurt at all. I have a bladder infection which I started antibiotics for tonight. I go back tomorrow at noon for another exam to make sure I haven't made any more progress. I'm on bed rest until further notice, so I'm sure you'll be hearing (reading) a lot from me. For now, please pray that Jackson can cook inside of me for another few weeks. My doctor would like for me to make it until 36 weeks.

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33 weeks

7 more weeks and counting, Jackson is going to be here before we know it! Mr. Wilson and I enjoyed our first lazy weekend in months. It was absolutely perfect, we didn't even get out of our PJ's yesterday! Saturday night we had a wonderful date night, we had a romantic dinner at the restaurant our rehearsal dinner was held and then made it to a late movie.

I have another doctors appointment on Thursday, so I'll be sure to update after that. Until then, here are my 33 week belly pictures.

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Updates from Last Week

Last week and weekend was so crazy, I forgot to mention my last doctors appointment on Thursday. It was a little bit of a scary one, but everything ended up checking out okay. I gained 4 pounds (I was very swollen at the appointment), heartbeat was 130, blood pressure was great and I measured 31 inches again. I asked my doctor is this meant that Jackson hadn't grown and he said it was probably just because of his position.

I also told my doctor that during my 4D ultrasound the tech mentioned that my amniotic fluid was on the low side. You have to know that my doctor is a little old man that has delivered over 9,000 babies, there isn't much that gets him excited... until you mention something like this. He wanted me in ultrasound right away and I was ordered to keep off of my swollen feet. The soonest I could get into ultrasound was the next morning. Jackson looked great, estimated weight was 3 pounds and 15 ounces. My amniotic fluid was a 14, it should be between 5 and 22. Everything was just fine, and we were relived!!! I am still supposed to take it easy and stay off of my feet as much as possible though.

The weekend was super busy between finishing the nursery Friday night, putting on the neighborhood crawfish boil on Saturday and hosting Mother's Day Brunch for our whole family on Sunday... I am doing a great job of listening to the doctor's orders of keeping off of my feet, ha!

My first Mother's Day was very nice. Jackson got me a beautiful "J" initial necklace from Tiffany's for Mother's Day. It was such a nice surprise to come back to bed and find a little blue box on my pillow:)

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31 week pics

2 months until Jackson is due and I am ready! The nursery is coming together and the clothes and blankets are all washed. We got so much done this weekend. My mom and I were on a mission to find nursing gowns and maternity panties... we did not have much luck at all! Anyone have any recommendations???

Here are my 31 week picture from last night. My belly button ring is gone, I was very sad to have to take it out for my 4D ultrasound and I couldn't get it back in.

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Happy Anniversary!

Exactly one year ago today I started this blog, Mr. Wilson and I were about to start our first medicated cycle on our TTC journey. I can't believe that one year later, I am sitting at my computer feeling my busy little boy bounce all around in my belly. Thank you for your support and words of wisdom. It's been a great year and I can't wait to share the experience of motherhood with you all in this next year!

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Updates from Doc Appointment

I had another doctor's appointment today. Besides the swelling that has returned, everything was great. I passed my glucose test with a perfect score and measured right at 30 weeks. Jackson has been busy growing these past two weeks! I gained 2 pounds and my blood pressure was 124/74. My doctor did put me on a restricted-low sodium diet to help with the swelling. I was doing so good, I don't know what happened last night! I probably over did it putting my house back together after being painted. My mom and step dad came over last night and put my crib up for me. My mom made a lot of progress playing in the nursery while Fred and I cleaned and moved the furniture back in place. Mr. Wilson has been really busy with work, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Thank goodness for such great parents/anxious grandparents:)

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Baby Shower Weekend

This past weekend was my baby shower and as my sister describes it - it was a whirlwind of babies, presents, family, and friends. I seriously don't know where the weekend went. I cannot believe its already Monday morning and I am back at work. Everything was so nice, we are truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. Thursday night the Brummett Bunch arrived and we went to Rhythms on the River. Friday morning started with a yummy brunch at Another Broken Egg, followed by 22 people packing in one room to see Mr. Jackson in 4D. We weren't too impressed with the ultrasound, but I am happy to know that he looks like a healthy baby boy - with some fat cheeks!!! Saturday was the shower which lasted most of the day. To thank our family for everything we had a huge crawfish boil Saturday night. The weather was awful, so we all packed into my mom's garage. I cannot believe that the next time I see my dad and sister I will be a mommy! Here are some pics from the weekend...

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Week 28

I think that every weekend should be a three-day weekend! We got so much done around the house and were still able to relax and enjoy ourselves. Friday we cleaned the house, the kitchen got organized, the baseboards were cleaned and painted... I was a busy little nesting momma. We cleaned all morning and then I laid by the pool all afternoon. Saturday we (Mr. Wilson) worked in our flower beds and they look really great. I should have taken before and after pictures! The weather was really nasty yesterday, so I'll take some pictures this week so you can see the after. We had a really nice Easter, minus the weather.

This week is another big week. We are interviewing two candidates to babysit Jackson when I go back to work. Then we have our friends and family coming in Thursday night for the baby shower this weekend!

Anyone have good questions, tips for interviewing babysitters???

Here are my week 28 belly pictures!

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Doctor's Appointment

Yesterday I had my 28 week doctors appointment. Everything is looking good, I will now start going every 2 weeks! Jackson's heartbeat was 145 bpm, and I measured at 26 weeks. I asked my doctor is this was okay, I had been measuring right on schedule or a week ahead. He said it just meant that Jackson wasn't going to be a big baby - huge relief. Mr. Wilson was 11 lbs. and 24" long at birth!!!

I also had to do the glucose test, it really wasn't too bad. The worst part was sitting for an hour waiting for the lab to give me the stuff to drink... and then sitting another hour to have my blood drawn.

Oh, and after adjusting my diet to low sodium I only gained 4 pounds this month... which could have been 14+ if I hadn't changed things up! Total weight gain is now at 27 pounds.

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Big Day

Today is the first day of my last trimester. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by. In just 12 short weeks my baby boy is due to be in my arms. I cannot wait to meet this little boy that feel inside of me all of the time!

Today is Mr. Wilson's 35th birthday. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful and caring husband. He is truly my best friend and love of my life. I cannot wait to raise our son to be just like his daddy!

Lastly, because today marks week 28 I have the lovely glucose test this afternoon. After swelling like a puffer fish a couple of weeks ago, I changed up my diet. I am following a gestational diabetics diet and eating very low sodium. I feel so much better and lost 10 pounds. I am not on a "diet" or starving my baby, I am really providing him with a much better environment for developing. Fruits and veggies are better than Mac and Cheese and ice cream for everyone!

We're going over to Mr. Wilson's mom's tonight for his birthday dinner. I'll be sure to take some pictures and get them posted. I'm off for Good Friday tomorrow and have a long list of things to do over the long weekend!

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