>> Monday, May 9, 2011
For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mother. From stuffing pillows in my shirt to play pretend pregnant to daydreaming about a house full of babies that all call me momma. The day that Jackson was born, my dream surely came true, but life lately is not how I daydreamed it to be.
I wouldn't trade being a mother for the world. I never even knew my heart was capable of loving so unconditionally until Jackson was placed in my arms. Each day brings a new challenge, a new phase, and a deeper love. Waking up every morning to see my sweet boy is such a blessing, sometimes I don't know what I did to deserve such a gift.
But, some days I wish I could just soak in "motherhood" and be nothing more than a momma for a day. No laundry to do, or medications to keep track of, or gifts to buy, or work to do, or pressure to keep it all straight, or worry about potty training, or stressing about building a new house, or telling my husband what to do.
You see, when I dreamed about being a momma I didn't know what that title really meant. In my dreams there were far more hours playing and chasing each other and reading books and morning snuggles that last until noon. Sadly, in my reality there are more hours spent changing sheets and running the household then playing and reading and laughing.
My life in general needs more playing, and much more laughter. I have plenty of laughter and joy in motherhood, but sometimes I feel like I'm in this game of life alone.
I spent my Mother's day doing exactly what I thought I wanted, but as I laid by the pool when Jackson was napping, my partner in life wasn't there with me. He was out doing what he wanted to do for the day. And I suddenly realized that I wasn't doing what I wanted to do, at all.
It's not really a "happy" Mother's day when you realize that you've taken care of everyone around you, but no one has really thought to take care of you and you're alone.
When life gets so busy and routine, it's easy to take people for granted. And as a mother, I vow to never let my son take anything or anyone for granted. Ever. Life is too special to not love with all your heart and make the people you love really know it!