>> Monday, July 11, 2011
Once an infertile, always an infertile?!? This question has pretty much been on my mind since the first day we sat in the waiting room at our RE's office back in September of 2008...
I often find myself wondering if we'll have to go back to that same waiting room each and every time we decide to grow our family.
What would I say when I called to make our appointment? Would the nurses remember us? Would we be so lucky to get pregnant again on our first cycle? Would my meds be the same? What if I wait too long and my body doesn't respond as well because I'm many years older the next time around? What if it doesn't work?
That last question haunts me.
And then I look at Jackson. That child of mine melts my heart. He makes me feel so complete and more blessed then I ever knew possible. Sometimes I wonder if this fulfillment is because he is supposed to be my only one - or if it's to give me the courage to do it all over again?!?
Then there was a day, not so long ago, that my mind-racing questions shifted. And I starting thinking maybe, just maybe, we could do this on our own?!? You know, the good ole' fashion way of having unplanned, un-prescribed intercourse with my husband that would result in baby #2. That thought was a happy, butterfly in my tummy, nerve racking thought. The feeling you are supposed to have when you think about your family's future.
I'm not sure what the point of this post is, just as I'm not sure what the future holds for my little family. What I do know is that I randomly woke up one morning, and decided to take out my trusty BBT thermometer. To my surprise, this once infertile momma had a text book cycle. Ovulation dip and rise and all. I have no idea if this was a one time deal, or if this is the new - possibly fertile me.
My cycles are no where near regular and range from 30 - 50 days, but it's enough to give me hope. Just the mere fact that I'm having a cycle at all is miraculous and leaves me continuously unprepared each and every month when "my time" comes around.
So my friends, I guess time will only tell. I'm not making any future appointments with our RE or running out buying Big Brother shirts, but I am enjoying the butterflies and the hope that I have for the time being.
Once an infertile...