>> Thursday, April 12, 2012
To say that the past 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions is beyond an understatement. I've even considered not putting this information on the blog...but, this is just as much my journal as it is a public blog. So, here it goes:
It all started first thing yesterday morning. I woke up feeling more full (best word to describe the feeling in my gut/uterus/ovaries) than I thought possible. I was seriously concerned about the ultrasound wand not being able to fit inside of me, full. No worries, it did and was very uncomfortable.
The ultrasound showed that my uterine lining measured an 11, and that my ovaries are so large they are literally kissing each other. Hello, this explains the full feeling!
And then the counting of the follicles began...one 19mm, one 17mm, four 16mm, three 15mm, and a few more 11mm - 14mm that didn't make the top list.
It was at that point that Dr. A. came to talk to me about canceling this cycle and my stomach dropped. She felt that I was at too high of a risk for high number multiples.
Mr. and I want another child, but not our own TV show. However, just two days ago I sat in the same chair and Dr. A wanted to be greedy and grow more...and now we just cancel? I just couldn't hardly process the thought, and the waste of $1,800. How do I just walk away!
Dr. A. sent me on my way with a lot to think about. We made the agreement to wait and make the call to cancel once my blood work results came back.
At about 10AM my nurse called and said that my E2 came back at 733, indicating that it was possible I have 4 mature eggs. She said that Dr. A really recommended that I cancel, but she would allow me to make the call. If we decided to proceed, I needed to do my trigger shot ASAP! Talk about pressure.
I prayed. I thanked God for giving me the golden egg(s) that I asked for. I asked for guidance. I talked everything out with Mr...and my mom...and Stephanie...and if my sister wasn't in class, I would have called her too. God knows that I cannot make a decision without these people:)
And then I went home and I triggered!
The fun part of the baby making process began with our first night of timed intercourse, that may have been more nerve wracking that losing my virginity.
I surly took a sleeping pill to help me sleep because there was no way I would sleep at all if I didn't. There were about a thousand different conversations going on in my head - running through all of the what-if scenarios.
And surprisingly, for the first time in 60 days, I woke up with a sense of calmness that I can't describe. I have been taking some form of hormones or medication related to infertility since February 12th. Something inside finally felt right, like this could maybe be it!
To solidify this feeling, I came back to the good ole' blog and re-read my posts about my cycle with Jackson. And wouldn't you know, this cycle mirrors his so much.
My blog from October 2008 (aka Jackson's cycle):
"At my ultrasound last Thursday I had one 18mm, one 17mm, and lots of 14mm follicles. My lining was 8.6, which they said was very good. Dr. S. had me do a 6th night of the Follistim to let my follicles get a little bigger"
After reading the post, I immediately called the office this morning to 1. confess that we had decided to move forward and 2. to ask what my E2 level was with Jackson's cycle...are you ready for this...it was 707 and Dr. S. had me do another night of Follistim before we triggered! He never once mentioned over stimulation, high number multiples or the thought of canceling.
All in all, I'm relieved that we made the decision to move forward. I respect the fact that Dr. A is more conservative than Dr. S. And in all other aspects of my life - I am very conservative. But, we have a chance here to grow our family, and we have to take it! I know that there's a 25% chance for twins, and a 5% chance for triplets or more...but those chances almost always come with fertility treatments. We've known that from the beginning.
Finally, I can relax knowing that my levels were actually probably higher with Jackson and we ended up with our first love. Maybe tonight's baby making can be a little more enjoyable;)